In the confusion and the aftermath
by Safaya
Summary: What would have happened if Olivia had already been raped before Fin found her at Sealview. Elliot tries to understand. post undercover.


_What would have happened if Olivia had already been raped when Fin found her at Sealview. I don't own anything!_

_

* * *

_

_In the confusion and the aftermath_

_You are my signal fire_

* * *

'What happened in that basement?'

'Nothin… I'm fine El'

He replayed the conversation over in his head, as he stared at the shadows on the ceiling, waiting for sleep to come. Why was she stonewalling him?

The yellowing bruise on her jaw was a stark reminder of her ordeal over the last week. But that wasn't it. Everyone knows that prison is no picnic, but she had come back different somehow. Like a small piece of her was missing.

She would be ok tomorrow though. They had got the bastard. She had got him. He didn't feel it was right to take any of the credit on this one. Not after the beating she took. Not after getting Ashley to open up and make the necessary ID. The case was closed.

She would be ok tomorrow.

* * *

But tomorrow was here now, and she wasn't ok. The dark circles under her eyes were a good indication that she hadn't slept last night. She was quiet and detached, but edgy.

Elliot passed out coffees to his colleagues, and Olivia managed a weak smile as she accepted hers.

Something wasn't right. He could feel it.

He picked up his own coffee, and the one he'd bought for the Captain, and walked into Cragen's office shutting the door behind him.

Without a word, Elliot placed the coffee down on the desk, and then turned around to watch Olivia through the blinds.

The Captain looked up, waiting for Elliot to say something.

'Uh…Thanks for coffee Elliot…'

Silence.

'Something on your mind..?'

Elliot took a deep breath and sighed.

'Captain, has Olivia spoken to you about what happened at Sealview?'

'Uh…no, I'm still waiting for her report… why?'

'I don't know' Elliot said shaking his head 'Something's up with her. I'm worried' He turned round and faced the Captain. 'Have you had Fin's report yet?'

'Yeah, I had it this morning' He paused. 'I think maybe you should give it a look'. It was a little unorthodox, but the Captain pulled a file out of a stack of paperwork and handed it to his detective. Elliot noted the unease on Cragen's face, but silently took the file and began to read.

As he came to the last few paragraphs, he understood why the captain was worried. There seemed to be a glaring absence of detail surrounding the suspect's arrest.

'He hasn't explained anything! Why was Harris arrested in the basement?!' Elliot looked up from the report to face his captain. 'Why was Liv down there with him..?!'

He read out a line from Fins report. '_The suspect assaulted Detective Benson whilst resisting arrest…_ you believe this?!' He asked Cragen in disbelief. 'Liv's been injured on the job before and it's never effected her like this'

'I know Elliot, it doesn't make sense to me either. I was going to wait till I got Olivia's report before deciding what to do with the two of them. If they're lying about an investigation I need to know' He paused, seeing the anguish on Elliot's face. 'But I suppose I could give you some time to talk to Liv, see if you can get it out of her'

Elliot nodded his thanks and moved towards the door.

'And Elliot…' Cragen called after him '...keep me posted, ok'

He nodded again and closed the door.

* * *

'Hey, Fin, wait up'

Fin was in the hallway just outside the squad room and turned to see Elliot.

'I need to talk to you about the case'

'What about it?' Fin replied impatiently. Elliot lowered his voice, not wanting people to overhear.

'I eh… I need to know… I wanted to ask you… about what really happened when the prison went into lockdown, about what happened to Liv'

'Then why don't you talk to her, man.' Fin really didn't want to have this conversion.

'I read your report' Elliot snapped. 'Come on Fin, you didn't leave out vital details because your incompetent. You did it because she asked you to' Elliot was getting right up in his face now, and he knew it. 'What doesn't she want people to know? What is so important that she's willing to jeopardise this case'

'If she wants you to know she'll tell ya. Now STOP wasting my time' Fin turned to walk back into the squad room, but Elliot grabbed him.

'Please Fin' He was almost begging. 'She's my partner, and something's wrong. How am I supposed to help her if no-one will tell me what's happening'

'She's a tough girl Elliot. Maybe she doesn't want your help'

'Look at her!' Elliot motioned through the glass to where Olivia sat, pale, exhausted and bruised. 'Does she look _tough_ right now Fin!' he was whispering but his manner was desperate. 'No! She looks like she's about to crash. And if she does, I need to know what's going on to be able help her!' Elliot calmed down again 'When I asked her about the basement… she told me nothing happened. She was lying'

Fin caved. He looked down shaking his head. Disgusted in himself for the trust he was about to betray. Olivia had practically begged him to keep quiet. She told him that she didn't want to others to know how Harris had managed to overpower her. She didn't want them thinking she couldn't do her job. And it wasn't that important anyway, right. Not in light of the rest of the case. She said that he'd only hit her once, just before Fin had got the door open. She was dazed and that was how he had managed to handcuff her. _Just tell them he hit me during arrest. It won't make a difference._ She was so convincing, and he wanted to believe her, it just made everything easier.

Fin glanced up at Elliot 'Look man, I don't know what happened in that basement. I know what I think. But I don't know for sure'

'Please Fin. Just tell me…'

'When I found her she was on the floor, handcuffed to a door-handle. Harris was standing over her with his pants open. He was holding her head… forcing her. I heard screaming just before I got the door open, so I think I got there in time. But when I asked her she wouldn't say'

Elliot couldn't speak. He felt waves of rage roll over him. Fin continued his story, up until the point where he and Olivia were released from the prison.

'I'm sorry I couldn't get to her sooner, man'

Elliot began to regain his self-control. 'Its ok... It's ok' he vented 'You did good, you got her out of there. That's what's important' Trying to convince himself.

'I think she'll wanna talk eventually, but give her some time yeah. She'll come to you when she's ready'

'Thanks Fin... I mean it. Thank you'

* * *

It was getting late and the squad room was empty. Elliot watched Olivia working from across the office. She looked exhausted.

She glanced up as he walked over, but continued to tap away at the computer in front of her regardless.

'You still avoiding diaper duty?' she asked casually, without taking her eyes off the screen.

'Trying to' he replied, 'you fancy some dinner?'

She continued to type. 'Thanks, but eh… I need to finish this, and then I think I'll head home for an early night'

_An early night?_ He thought. _Like she was sleeping…_

'What you working on?' he asked looking over her shoulder.

'My case report'

Elliot glanced at the screen and quickly scanned her closing statements. Her details of the period of time before Fin got to her were thin to say the least. He took a deep breath.

'So… What happened in that basement?'

She didn't even look up, didn't even pause in her typing. 'I told you yesterday Elliot. Nothing.'

'Why don't I believe you?' he whispered. Resting his hand gently on her shoulder, he felt her immediately shrink away.

'I don't know Elliot.' Her voice rose slightly.

She sent the document to print.

'Sounds like the problems with you'

She stood up and walked over towards the printer. Retrieving her report, she tucked it into a folder and headed into the Captains office to place it on his desk for morning.

Elliot didn't move, didn't take his eyes off her.

_No_ he thought. _This isn't going away. I'm not going to let her shut everyone out._

He stood up quickly and crossed over to the office.

* * *

Olivia was standing by the Captains desk, dropping her report on to the top of the mountain of paperwork.

Elliot came softly in and closed the door behind him. He stayed there, purposefully blocking the exit.

'What are you doing?' Olivia asked quietly. She had meant to sound annoyed, even angry, but the reality sounded fearful.

Elliot paused, and calmly and slowly, repeated his question from the squad room.

'What happened in that basement'

Olivia rounded the desk 'Elliot I'm not doing this'

'Not doing what?'

'Not having an argument with you over something completely irrelevant!'

'Well then answer the question'

'I already told you NOTHING HAPPENED!'

'No… No Liv. See… your lying to me.'

Olivia dropped her head. 'Nothing happened' her response was barely audible.

'I spoke to Fin!' Elliot was shouting now. He hadn't meant to, but he couldn't stop himself. 'He told me what he saw! What you asked him to leave out of his report'

'Nothing happened' She repeated. If it was possible she was even quieter this time.

'NOTHING HAPPENED?!!' Elliot shouted back at her.

'He told me you were hand-cuffed to a door. NOTHING HAPPENED?!! That he was standing over you with his pants down… NOTHING HAPPENED!!!'

Elliot tried to regain some composure, and quietened down.

'He said he could hear screaming, and that when he got to you, you were crying… and that you were shaking… nothing happened? Liv…really..? How am I meant to believe that? Why didn't you tell me?'

She said nothing. She just stood there, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, looking at the floor. Her posture caused the long sleeves of her top to bunch up slightly, revealing the broken and bruised skin on her wrists.

Elliot noticed them. He looked from her wrists to her tormented face. She wouldn't look at him, and a horrible realisation began to sting his mind.

'That wasn't it, was it' he whispered, fear and trepidation in his voice. 'Olivia, talk to me…'

'I don't need this'. She shook her head, trying to keep the tears at bay, and headed towards to door, towards Elliot 'get out my way'

Elliot didn't move.

'Just tell me what happened' he whispered

'I DON'T NEED TO TELL YOU ANYTHING ELLIOT, NOW MOVE!'

Hot tears started to spill down her face, and Elliot could feel his own eyes begin to sting.

'Please, just tell me what happened' he whispered again, his voice shaking with emotion.

'GET OUT OF MY WAY!'

'Just tell me what happened'

'PLEASE!!!'

'Just tell me what happened'

'HE RAPED ME!' She cried 'HE RAPED ME! He held me down, and he raped me'

Her body shook, gasping for breath between the sobs. Elliot put his arms around her as she sank slowly to the floor.

'It's ok Liv, it's alright. You're ok. I've got you, you're ok'. He whispered, trying to convince himself too. They sat together on the floor, Elliot rocking her slowly in his arms as she cried, trying to stop his own quiet tears from falling.

He stroked Olivia's face, and arms, and gently kissed her soft, clean hair. _Clean._ She had showered since the attack. Of course she had, it had been 2 days. But any evidence was gone now. Harris might be in jail, but Olivia would never see any justice for herself. He held her tighter as her body trembled from her agonising cries.

* * *

'I'm so tired' Olivia was lying on the floor, in Elliot's arms. She wasn't crying anymore, there was nothing left. Just exhaustion.

'Come on' he helped her off the floor and sat her down on the dark leather couch in Cragen's office. She leaned forward, holding her head in her hands.

He sat down next to her and took a deep breath.

'When he handcuffed you to the door… did it happen then?' He asked quietly

'No' Olivia shook her head 'Before. In another part of the basement'

'Why did you think you couldn't tell me...?' He whispered.

She didn't answer.

'Have you told anyone?'

No reply.

'Please Liv… talk to me'

'I couldn't tell you' she breathed. 'I couldn't tell anyone'

'Liv, you don't need to be afraid…' he started

'No Elliot. You don't understand!'

He turned round to look at her in confusion.

'I was in Sealview to find a rapist! And I found him. Ashley only identified the mole, because I knew to ask her. The defence can turn that around and say I was leading the witness. They can throw the case out Elliot! If I keep quiet, he can't get out of this without admitting to another attack'

He sighed. Even after everything she'd been through, she was still putting everyone else first.

'What about you Liv..?'

'It wouldn't stand up in court, you know that. They would say it was consensual, and then that I would have tried to escape to warrant the beating… and then claimed rape to close my case. It would never stick.'

Elliot tried to think of an argument, but he knew she was right. However much he wanted to disagree, this was the only way to nail the bastard for sure. Olivia returned her head to her hands.

'I'm so tired' she repeated again, barely whispering.

Elliot was rubbing her lower back. 'Why don't you have a lie down here?'

'No I can't El, what if someone sees me? They'll ask questions. I don't want people to know'

'Its ok' He moved to help her lie down. 'I'll stay right here. I'll wake you up if I see anyone coming'

She looked unsure.

'It's ok Liv; get some rest, just for a little bit, you'll feel better when you wake up.' He found a blanket on top of the fold away bed that Cragen kept in the corner of his office, and gently covered Olivia's weary body.

'Go to sleep, I'll be right here. Promise'

Elliot sat down on the coffee table next to the couch and held Olivia's hand while she cautiously closed her eyes. 30 seconds later her heard her breathing begin to level out, and the pale hand clutching his fell limp.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Careful not to wake her, Elliot quietly stood up and left the office, shutting the door silently behind him.

He picked up his phone and hit the speed dial.

'Don? It's me…. I'm at the station, I think you should get down here… It's Olivia. He raped her. The son of a bitch raped her…'

* * *

As Cragen stepped off the elevator, he felt an overwhelming sense of blame. He should have made more effort to protect her. Not that she would have let him, she wouldn't let anyone, and he respected that. Olivia Benson was her own woman. She had always taken care of herself. So what happens if she can't…

Finding the squad room empty, he headed towards his office, and then he saw them. Elliot was sat on the coffee table. Fists clenched, held up to his mouth. There was pain and worry written across his face as he sat watching, intently, the sleeping figure beneath the blanket. Cragen couldn't see her face from the angle he was standing. He wasn't sure he wanted to. He stood there for around a minute before Elliot looked up and noticed his captain watching.

He protectively drew the blanket up further over his partner, before slowly and quietly leaving the office. His eyes were red and tired, his face drawn.

'She asleep?' Cragen asked quietly.

'Yeah… crashed out as soon as she lay down'

They paused.

'How the hell did this happen?' Cragen shook his head

'She hasn't said much. Fin filled in the blanks about the basement. He said that when he found her, Harris was standing over her, trying to force her to… do oral on him.' Normally, he would say these words like he was taking about any other case, but not when he was talking about Olivia. And the words caught in his throat.

'But that was round two…' Elliot finished. 'He had already got to her'

'Has she been to a hospital?'

'She said she hasn't told anyone, I'm guessing no'

'She needs to be checked out'

'I know…'

'She should have gone. Even if she hadn't told any of us, she knows how important it is… we need to take a statement as well.'

'Captain, we can't file a report. It would wreck Ashley's case and Liv… she wont do that.'

'We need to take one, as insurance. If something goes wrong in Ashley's case, we can still try and get the guy for what he did to Olivia'

'There's no evidence'

'Damn it Elliot, that bastard needs to go down for what he's done to her! We need to make sure we have as much ammunition as possible if we need it! I should never have let her go in there'

Elliot was taken back. He rarely saw his captain so on the edge. But Elliot felt out of control as well and one of them needed to get it together, for Olivia's sake.

Cragen spoke up first.

'We should wake her. Take a statement here and then get her down to the hospital'

'She won't go captain'

'Well we need to damn well make her. If I hadn't have given in to her stubbornness in the first place, this mess wouldn't be happening right now'

Elliot wanted to reassure the Captain that what had happened to Olivia wasn't his fault. But part of him blamed Cragen for ever letting her go undercover, just like he blamed Fin for not getting there sooner, just like he blamed himself… for everything.

* * *

They went softly back into the office. Cragen stood back, letting Elliot wake his partner. Elliot sat back down on the coffee table and watched Olivia for a second. Her sleep was light and fretful.

He reached at tentative hand and rested it on her shoulder.

'Liv..? Olivia?'

She stirred slightly, and then… terror.

She gasped, her arms shot up to protect her head, she kicked out violently, screaming.

'Liv… Liv, its ok… its ok, its me…'

She froze. Elliot held her forearms and slowly pulled her hands away from her face.

She was embarrassed for reacting the way she had. But Harris was there, in her dreams, like he had been every time she had dared to close her eyes since she came home. She could feel someone touching her; she didn't know it was Elliot. As close as they were, they rarely touched. But then she heard his voice, bringing her back.

'Liv… Liv, its ok… its ok, its me…'

Elliot drew her hands away from her face until she could see who it was, until she could see that she was safe. He saw her face clock the recognition and her breathing begin to steady.

She sat herself up slowly, the physical pain her body was in had been masked initially by her own denial, and then her emotions. But now the cracked ribs in her side twinged.

'How long did I sleep for?'

'About an hour'

She sighed and rubbed her tired eyes, her hands still trembling. When she looked up she noticed the figure in the back of the room.

'Hello Olivia'

* * *

She looked from the Captain, back to Elliot. Her eyes filled with hurt and betrayal.

'How could you tell him? I told you I didn't want people to know! You know how important it is to keep this quiet!'

'Olivia…' Cragen moved into the light 'I'm glad he told me. He needed to. So we could work out what we need to do... And because I've been worried about you'

Olivia ignored his sentiments and sympathetic stare. She didn't want her Captain's pity. So she focused on his sentence that grabbed her attention the most.

'Uh… what do you mean – what we need to do?'

Elliot and Cragen looked at each other. This wasn't going to be easy. Elliot put his hand gently on her shoulder.

'Liv, you need to go the hospital'

'No! I'm not doing a rape-kit. The evidence is gone anyway'

Cragen crouched down to look her in the eye

'Olivia, you know more than anyone that you need to be checked out. Even if your physical injuries don't need tending to, you need to be tested for STDs'

Olivia shook her head, and tried to stop more tears from crashing down her face. She had already humiliated herself in front of Elliot; she didn't want to break down in front of the captain too.

'Liv, we need to take a statement too. We can file it under a false name, but then it will be there if we need it. If Ashley's case falls through at least we'll have something'

'I can't go to Mercy. We go there all the time, someone will recognise me' she told them in a matter of fact tone. Elliot sighed; her weak excuses were laced with desperation.

'There's that free clinic up in Washington Heights we went to last year on the Matthews case. We can go there. No one will recognise you as a cop and that way you can use a false name.'

Olivia felt trapped, and that's not what she needed right now. She felt like everything was spiralling out of control.

'Oh god, I'm not having this conversation' She whispered to herself, her head in her hands. _This was Elliot's fault. If only he had moved away from the door like she asked, she never would have told him what happened, and she wouldn't be about to face an examination and an interrogation. Why did he always have to push her? Why couldn't she keep her cool? Why didn't she just make something up? She just wanted to go home. She wanted to forget. She wanted all this to be over._

Elliot watched his partner begin to close in on herself again.

'Come on Liv, we'll go next door and do the statement' Elliot drew her reluctantly to her feet. He felt like he was almost dragging her into the interview room.

She felt like a criminal.

* * *

They sat down at the small wooden table in the interview room. Elliot was to her left, the Captain directly in front of her.

Cragen turned on the recording equipment and hesitantly asked the opening question 'In your own words, can you detail the events of the night you were attacked'

Olivia didn't say anything. It wasn't that she was trying to be difficult, it was just… she didn't know how to begin. Elliot saw her struggling.

'Why don't we start with where you were' he asked softly.

'In the Sealview correctional facility'

'And there was something unusual happening that evening right?'

'There was an epidemic. TB. They had shut down the prison, but they weren't telling us anything. Tensions were pretty high.' She took a breath 'One of the officers, Matthew Parker, came up to me in the cafeteria and told me that I had to go with him. But I didn't… think it was safe to.'

'Why not?' Cragen watched her carefully. Not wanting to push her over the edge.

'He had… touched me during admission. He had been making advances toward me, and in there, if the CO wants something, you don't get a lot of choice in the matter'

'So what did you do to try and stop him?'

'I asked why no-one would tell us anything about the outbreak. I talked loudly and soon all the prisoners were shouting. It started a bit of a riot I guess.

'So what happened then?'

'After things had been calmed down, Officer Harris came in. He asked who started it all and Parker said me. Harris cuffed me and told his colleagues that he would take me to the hole'

Olivia started laughing quietly to herself

'What?' asked Elliot confused and worried about her behaviour.

'I thought he was saving me' she answered, still smiling to herself 'As he lead me away I was thanking him in my head for saving me from being raped by Parker. Pretty Naïve, huh?'

Cragen was taking notes 'Where did he take you?'

'To the basement' She whispered.

Elliot reached out to hold her hand, but she snatched it back and wrapped her arms around herself. She began to speak again, but this time there were no tears. She sounded detached and cold, like she was reading case notes aloud.

'I tried to apologise for acting out in the cafeteria. But we kept walking. He said that I was going to do everything that he told me to. There was a filthy mattress in amongst all the crap down there. He pushed me down on it and I started screaming for help. I struggled off the bed, and he pushed me up against the wall. He began to touch me, and said that he was going to make me more comfortable, and then he undid the cuffs. I elbowed him in the face and tried to get away but he caught me'

Olivia paused. There was no emotion in her voice. Cragen tried to catch her eye, but she just stared down at the coffee stains on the table. She took a deep breath and continued.

'He cuffed me to the bed frame and took off my clothes. He was careful about it. He didn't want to rip them or make anything look suspicious. And then he raped me. After he had finished, he got off me and dressed me back in my uniform. I thought that it was over, but he told me how much he had enjoyed my company, and because of the lockdown, there was no need to cut our time short. He undid the cuffs so he could get my arms back behind my back, and I hit him again and ran for the door. But it was locked. I tried to hide. I could hear him calling for me. He said that there was no way out and that if I kept him waiting any longer he would kill me. He found me pretty quickly. He punched me... and he hit me with his nightstick... and he cuffed my hands to the door. He undid his pants and told me that if I bit him he would kill me'

Olivia managed to bring herself back from the trance she was in.

'And then I was found.'

Olivia got up quickly and left the room before her colleagues could speak. She'd had enough. She had told them what had happened and that was it. She wanted to go home.

Elliot and Cragen were left in the interview room in a state of quiet shock.

'Will that do?' Elliot asked his captain.

'I'm guessing it'll have to. I don't think she's going to tell us again'

'I'll go check on her' Elliot moved to get up.

The Captain could see Elliot was still struggling to process what he'd just heard.

'It's ok, I'll go' said Cragen getting to his feet. 'You stay here and finish up'

* * *

Cragen stepped out of the interview room and watched her shuffling papers around her desk. He walked over slowly. He cared about all of his detectives, but he had always had a soft spot for her. He knew that she respected him, like a child respects a parent. Describing the intimate details of what had happened to her can't have been easy in front him and Elliot. He perched on the side of her desk. She didn't look up.

'You did good' he said, trying to reassure her.

'I didn't do anything. I just told you what happened that's all. If I had have done something we wouldn't be here right now'

'Olivia, this isn't your fault.'

'Of course it's my fault. I should never have let him take me down there. I should have known better'

'You survived Liv.' The second the words were out of his mouth he regretted them. The glare she sent his way was enough to confirm that.

'Don't you dare quote one liners straight out the rookie manual at me'

'I'm sorry. Your right, I owe you better than that. It's just, despite what Harris did… I can't imagine losing you. I'm just glad you're still with us' He watched her body lose some of its tension.

'I want to go home now' she whispered.

'We need to go to the hospital' He watched her sigh, and softly lay a hand on her shoulder 'Hey… it'll be over soon'

'No it won't' she whispered and stood up to get her coat.

* * *

This had to be done by the book, well sort of. Cragen would drive Olivia to the hospital, and Elliot would wait behind at the station for the call to come in.

Olivia said nothing in the car on the way over. Cragen glanced over at her occasionally. She just sat there, perfectly still, staring straight ahead at the dashboard, her hands in her lap.

The captain pulled into a parking space at the hospital and switched the engine off. He turned to Olivia.

'You ready..?' he asked gently.

She didn't answer. But slowly undid her seatbelt and reached for the door-handle.

Cragen did the same, stepped out the car and locked it. He had turned around and begun heading towards the hospital entrance when he noticed Olivia hadn't moved from the passenger door. She stood there with her arms wrapped around herself, she was shivering, or was she trembling? Cragen walked back to her.

'Please don't make me do this' She whispered when he came close. She wasn't sobbing, but as she blinked a stray tear quickly cascaded down her cheek.

'Come on Liv, we need to. A couple hours and you'll be home. You've done the hard part, you can do this' He put his hand on the small of her back and gently guided her up the stairs to the entrance.

* * *

They registered at the front desk of the clinic and sat among the crying babies and sniffing noses.

Cragen watched Olivia twisting her fingers in her lap. He could sense how nervous she was getting.

'I don't think I can do this Don.. I'm not strong enough'

'You are one of toughest people I know Olivia. He didn't take that from you' he whispered back.

Before she had time to argue, they were called through to an examination room. The nurse informed them that a doctor would be with the shortly, and closed the door.

45 minutes later, they were still alone. Olivia was pacing back and forth in the small room, as Cragen sat perfectly still watching her become increasingly agitated.

'This is ridiculous' Olivia was getting angry. 'You know… a _real_ victim would have walked out of here ages ago. How are people meant to report crimes if this is the standard of care they receive!'

Cragen studied her carefully. 'Uh… Olivia… you _are_ a real victim…' she stopped dead in her tracks, and stared at him as the realisation hit her. She hadn't actually considered that she was just like the rest of them now, just like her mother, and it took her breath away.

Just then a doctor entered the room, with a chart in her hands.

'Hi I'm Dr. Jacobs, What seems to be the problem this evening?'

Olivia just stood there. She was still in shock from what Cragen had just said.

'I… um, I…' She couldn't say it. Cragen saw her struggling. He stood up behind her and held her arms lightly.

'She was raped' He told the doctor, as Olivia blinked away a stray tear.

* * *

Elliot had got the call at the precinct 20 minutes ago. As he drove there, he tried to imagine he was just on another case, not that it was Olivia.

He announced himself at the front desk, where the nurse informed him that the victim was in with the doctor, and noticing Cragen in the hallway, Elliot made his way over to him.

'How is she?' Elliot asked in hushed tones.

'She being examined at the moment' The captain answered.

'Is she keeping it together?'

'More or less'

'Detective?' A voice behind them caused them to pause. 'I'm Dr. Jacobs. Are you here about the rape?'

'Eh… yeah. Elliot Stabler' He shook her hand 'So, what have you got?'

'The attack happened 2 days ago, but I've done a rape-kit just in case. No hairs or fluids.' The doctor looked back down at her chart. 'There was quite significant vaginal tearing and bruising. She must have fought back hard' The breath caught in Elliots throat. He didn't want to hear about Olivia like that. The doctor continued like she was talking about any other case. But this was different.

'As for the rest of her, she has a couple cracked ribs and some nasty bruising, looks like she was beaten with something. But all in all, she was lucky'

_Lucky?_ Thought Elliot. _How can all the events that led to this moment be described as lucky?_

'She's ready to be discharged'

'Can I talk to her now?' Elliot asked.

'Good luck. She hasn't said a single word to me since she got here.'

* * *

Elliot walked into in to her room. Olivia was sat up on the bed, hugging her knees to her chest. Her legs and feet were covered by a pale green blanket and she was wearing a thin hospital gown that tied up at the back. Her heart leapt when she saw him enter the room.

'Elliot' Her voice was barely a whisper. 'Please take me home' He sat down on the edge of her bed.

'Soon Livvy, soon. What did the doc say?'

She shrugged.

'She told me you were in a pretty bad way..?'

Olivia felt her eyes being to sting with tears again, and her body fill with shame. Of course the doctor would have spoken to Elliot. Discussed her…intimately. She looked away from him, and when he instinctively went to touch her knee, she shrank away and lay down, turning over to face the wall.

Cragen came in.

'The doctor said you're good to go'

'Ok. You take her home. I'll go in my car and see you there' Elliot said getting up of the bed. 'I'll see you back at yours Liv, ok?'

Olivia didn't respond. As he headed towards the door, the Captain gave him a sympathetic smile. He knew this wasn't easy on anyone.

When Elliot had left, Cragen walked over to Olivia and sat down on the bed behind her. She shifted slightly to hide the tears from her Captain. The tied gown she was wearing left her back exposed, showing a deep black bruise across her ribs, roughly the shape of a nightstick.

'Jesus Liv' Cragen muttered as he traced the bruise with his fingers. He felt her shudder as he touched her. 'I'm sorry' he said quickly, and pulled the gown tenderly over her back, covering the bruise.

'You want to go home now?' She still had her head buried in the pillow, but he could see her nodding. 'I'll go and find a nurse to help you with your clothes'

* * *

Cragen found her keys in her jacket pocket, let them into to her building, and guided her slowly up the stairs to her apartment. As he tried the keys in the lock, Elliot opened the door.

'Hey, I thought you guys weren't coming' He said in a forcibly light-hearted tone. Olivia stood in her living room and looked around. Elliot had tidied up.

'I got some food in. Figured you probably hadn't eaten anything' He said.

'That's a good idea' Cragen replied. 'You shouldn't take those painkillers on an empty stomach' they both paused, waiting for Olivia to respond.

'I'm going to take a shower' she said, a little zoned-out.

Elliot moved into the kitchen. 'Ok. We'll get some thing on the table for you when you get out'

'No' she stopped quickly. 'I mean, you've done enough. It's the middle of the night; you both look tired, you should go home'

Elliot and Cragen looked at each other.

'Really, I'm ok now. I just need to get some rest' She pleaded.

They didn't move. Cragen spoke up first; he felt his professional responsibility coming to the surface.

'I don't feel right leaving you on your own just yet Olivia'

'I'll be fine Captain. I just need some sleep.' They still didn't move. 'Please, both of you, I… I just need some space' She began to usher them toward to door. Elliot was still sceptical, but over the years he had learnt that it was pointless arguing with Olivia when she was being stubborn.

'I'll be round in the morning. First think ok?' he said 'and make sure you eat something before you go to sleep'

'I will, I promise' she said before practically shutting the door on them. She leaned back on it, so thankful to be alone, to be home, where she could let her emotions go properly. They would never have believed she was actually trying to control them.

She could still smell the hospital on her; the all too familiar scent had always made her feel nauseous. She dragged herself into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

* * *

'I don't like this one bit' Elliot turned to Cragen as they left Olivia's building. 'She shouldn't be alone'

'I know that, and you know that, but if she doesn't want us there, we have no right. She needs to feel like she's in control, and if that means telling us to leave, then so be it'

'But she shouldn't be on her own right now. I can't do this Don, I can't just leave her.'

Cragen sighed. 'Do what you will. But remember she has a pretty decent right hook'

'Hey she can knock my lights out as many times as she likes if it helps'

'Take care of her Elliot' Cragen said as her turned towards his car. Elliot looked back up at Olivia's apartment window, and began to climb the stairs.

* * *

He cautiously opened her door using the same spare key he had earlier. He was trying to be quiet, but at the same time didn't want to scare her.

'Liv?'

No answer. He called a little louder as he walked slowly in and shut the front door behind him.

Still nothing. Panic hit him momentarily, until he heard the shower running. Breathing a sigh of relief, he walked into her kitchen and set about making her something to eat.

* * *

Half an hour later, the shower was still running. He knew he shouldn't be nervous. It was a standard response. Rape victims never feel clean. Constant showering was typical. But he couldn't help worrying.

Another 10 minutes went by.

No, this had gone one long enough. The bathroom was just though her bedroom. He saw her clothes strewn across the carpet, and thick steam was rising up from under the bathroom door. He walked up to it and knocked gently.

'Liv..? Liv, it's me… I came back…. You've been in there a while… Olivia? If you don't answer me Olivia, I'm coming in… Liv?'

He opened the door. The room was so steamy he could barely see.

'Olivia! Jesus… what are you doing?'

Olivia was sat on the floor of the shower, her legs up to her chest. The shower was turned up to full temperature and the boiling hot water was hitting her skin relentlessly. Elliot turned the water off, trying not to recoil from the heat. The skin on her back was bright red, causing the dark bruises there to blaze angrily.

He hurriedly reached for a towel.

'I just couldn't get warm' She said, her whole body was shaking.

'You're in shock Liv, that's why you feel cold' He wrapped the large towel around her shoulders and lifted her to her feet. He didn't even try and look at her naked body. The parts of her he had seen were badly bruised and didn't want to see anymore. Elliot could feel her trembling beneath the towel, and he put his arms around her as he led her back into the bedroom, dripping wet.

* * *

He sat Olivia down on the edge of the bed. Only her legs were exposed now, and he felt sick as he saw the familiar pattern of bruising between her thighs from where Harris had used his knees to force her legs apart. He had seen it on other victims, but not Olivia. Sitting next to her, he pulled the throw from the end of the bed and covered her legs.

Elliot held her in his arms, her wet hair soaking the collar of his shirt.

'I'm sorry' she said quietly as he finally got the shivering to subside.

'For what..?'

'For not being able to do anything for myself'

'Don't be stupid Liv, you shouldn't have to deal with this on your own, that's what partners are for.' She bent her head forward a little more, resting on his chest, and Elliot could see the scarlet skin on the back of her neck.

'Your skin's going to be sore for a day or so' he said as he felt the heat coming of it.

'I can barely feel it' she said. What with everything else, her skin wasn't a big concern.

'I made some soup' he said. 'Do you think you can eat something?'

She nodded.

'Ok, you get changed, and come out when you're done. I'll heat it back up' He smiled at her and left, leaving the door slightly ajar as he did.

* * *

After they had eaten, Elliot watched Olivia's eyes start to fall as she sat at the table.

'Come on' He said softly 'It's about time you got some rest' She felt her body give in as he led her to the bedroom. She always slept on the far side of the bed, by the window, and Elliot pulled back the covers for her.

As she lay down, Elliot gently covered her back over.

'Tucking me in Stabler?' She whispered with the slightest of smiles on her face. Elliot was glad to see it.

'Well, I'm a soft touch' he said grinning. 'Now, get some sleep Benson. That's an order' He stood up straight and headed towards the door.

'Elliot?' She called after him quietly.

'Yeah?'

'You won't leave, right?'

'I'm not going anywhere Liv. Now get some sleep. I'll be right out here if you need anything' Elliot switched her bedroom light off and moved into the living room. She heard him clearing the table, and the TV on quietly in the background.

Olivia pulled the covers closer round her shoulders, and tried to close her eyes.

* * *

Elliot tidied up the table and settled down on the couch. It was the early hours of the morning now and there was nothing decent on the TV. Not that he could concentrate anyway. His mind was just trying to process what had happened that night. He sat there, not watching the news for around an hour, when he thought it was about time he took his own advice and got some sleep. He needed to check on Olivia first though. He hadn't heard anything from her room, so he guessed she had finally drifted off. But when he pushed Olivia's bedroom door quietly open, he saw her body shivering beneath the covers that were pulled up tight to her chin.

'Hey' His voice was soft, but it startled her anyway. 'Why aren't you asleep?'

'I was cold again' she whispered, her tremors breaking up the words.

She felt Elliot climb on to the bed behind her, his weight shifting above the covers. Lying down, he proceeded to wrap his body around hers. Olivia turned her head slightly to see his face over her shoulder. Their eyes locked.

'Thank you' she whispered.

'It's alright Liv. Now go to sleep, ok?' She nodded and turned back to the window, nestling further into him. Even with the blanket between them, their bodies fit together perfectly, his arms around her arms, his knees curled into hers, and she began to feel the warmth from his chest seep into her back.

* * *

Elliot stayed there, holding her for some time after she fell asleep. He wanted to make sure she wouldn't wake up. Slowly he lifted his arm off hers, and slid away from her. Olivia stirred slightly, but her eyes remained closed. He glanced back at her as he left the room, leaving the door open a little.

He took off his shirt and jeans, and pulling the throw off the back of the couch. He lay down and waited for sleep to come.

* * *

His light slumber was disturbed by a scream from close by. He shot up and ran into Olivia's room.

'HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS. YOU'RE HURTING ME. HELP!'

'Liv! Olivia! Wake up Liv! Come on, Wake up!'

Olivia was thrashing around wildly, fighting off an attacker who wasn't there anymore. Elliot climbed onto the bed, and held her arms to stop her from hurting herself.

'Liv! Wake up!' He knew the fact that he was restraining her was probably fuelling the nightmare, but he had to get her to stop. She had two broken ribs, and her body must have been searing in pain as she writhed and struggled.

'OLIVIA!' Finally, her tear streaked face saw his and she stopped screaming, but her sobs were long and deep.

'It's ok Livvy. Its ok, your safe' Elliot held her tight into his bare chest and he felt her tears slide down his body.

'Shush… Its ok, just breath…' She tried to take deep breaths to counteract the gasps, as Elliot held her and stroked her hair. When she finally managed to compose herself, she pulled away from him and lay back down.

'I'm sorry El' she whispered.

'Would you quit apologising to me. I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad you're waking me up, and you're not trying to deal with this on your own.' She nodded, and pulled the covers over herself.

'Are you going to be ok?' he asked.

Olivia nodded again.

As he moved to get off the bed her hand shot out and grabbed his arm.

'El… Please, can you stay here with me..?' She knew it might be crossing a line, but she just couldn't bear to be alone.

Elliot didn't hesitate. He knew this was nothing untoward, she just needed to feel safe. He pulled back the covers and slid into the bed next to her. Finding her hand, he laced his fingers between hers, and turned to face her.

'You can go to sleep now, Livvy. I'm right here' he breathed. She squeezed his hand and shut her eyes.

* * *

Elliot stirred, it was 7am. Although he hadn't slept for long, he had slept well. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to pale sunlight coming though the blinds. He glanced over at Olivia, surprised to see her awake.

'Hey, how long have you been up?' he whispered.

She was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, deep in thought.

'A while' she replied quietly.

'How are you feeling?'

She dragged her gaze away from the ceiling and her reverie, to face him.

'Fine, I guess…'

'What were you thinking about?' He knew it wasn't the rape, she was too calm. So it had to be something else. She had kept many things hidden from him in the 9 years that they had been partners, but he had learnt to read her face, and to know what was going on behind. The last day however, had thrown him. She sighed and turned her head back to stare at the ceiling.

'I was just thinking about… everything. About what I should do'

Elliot's head began to spin. She wouldn't leave SVU, leave him, would she?

'You don't need to think about that yet? Just give it a few days'

'Elliot…'

'Those painkillers must have worn off by now. They're on the side in the kitchen, I'll get them'

'El…'

He knew she wanted to tell him something, a decision she had made, but he wasn't sure he was ready to hear it. Climbing out of her bed, he suddenly felt very exposed in his black briefs.

'You stay here. I'll bring them back with some water' he said as he quickly exited the room.

* * *

Elliot walked into the living room and pulled on his crumpled shirt and jeans. As he did up the buttons, the downstairs buzzer went.

'Yeah?'

'Elliot it's me' Cragen's voice came across the intercom loud and clear. Elliot buzzed him in and a minute later, there was a knock at the door.

'Hey' Elliot noted the dark circles under his captain's eyes.

'How she doing?'

'It was a bit of a rough night, but she awake now; I'm just getting her some painkillers. I'll see if she if she wants to get up'

Elliot headed back in the bedroom, as Olivia was getting slowly swinging her legs over the side of the bed, wincing at the pain.

'Hey hey hey… easy' He tried to steady her. If it was possible, her ribs hurt more today than they did yesterday.

'Cragen's here' he told her as he passed her the pills and water. She washed them down quickly.

'Yeah, I heard the buzzer, can you pass me my sweater'

He helped her pull it on over the t-shirt she had slept in, hearing a small cry of pain when her head was buried in the fabric. After trying and failing to tidy her hair, she followed Elliot back out to the living room.

* * *

'Hey Olivia, how you feeling?' Cragen asked. She looked tired and dishevelled, and her puffy eyes betrayed how much she had been crying, but she still looked better than when he had brought her back from the hospital.

'I'm ok.' She had always been a good liar, but this time no-one was convinced. Everyone was silent.

'I'll put some coffee on' Elliot said as he walked towards the kitchen.

Cragen tidied up the rumpled throw that lay across the couch, and he and Olivia sat down. Elliot must have slept there last night, he thought to himself.

'Did you sleep?'

'A little, I feel much better today' she was looking at him nervously.

'What?' He asked. She took a deep breath.

'I think I should take some time off' She announced cautiously.

'I think that's a good idea Liv'

'I have a friend in Chicago I've been meaning to visit for years, but I never really had the time. I'm going to give her a call later' She took another deep breath 'I guess what I'm asking is, whether my jobs still going to be here when I get back?'

'Olivia, you are one of the best detectives I've ever had worked with. And when you get back, if you still think you want to do this job, there'll be a place for you. Take as much time as you need.'

Her eyes started to fill with tears. He had just said everything she needed to hear. Her only concern now was whether she would be able to do the job when she got back. But that would be a battle for another day.

And overhearing in the kitchen, the corners of Elliot's mouth turned into a quiet smile of relief.


End file.
